1. Too bad, we got fireworks!
2. The little signal that we were constantly doing that we can't put into words.
3. No crying, no dying, no being bi.
4. The faces that Jason makes when he's breaking with Jessica on LB.
5. Wait a minute, Heidi (while putting my finger on her nose), be patient.
6. Muscles McGee.
7. The leprachan that said that this might not be the biggest club, but it's the funest.
8. Heidi gave the condom to the security guy.
9. Is that a toliet?, but it really was.
10. Is that a Scout?
11. At least you have Billy. Billy get your ass over here!
12. My finger smells really good.
13. "I'm gonna go find some girl to fuck, yo."
14. Hey Melissa, I have diarrhea, ok bye.
15. Where are you from? St. Louis. Where in St. Louis? Imperial. That's not St. Louis, that's Jefferson County.
16. Who has a Polaroid camera? Is this like 1980?
17. That's probably the best dildo making prison ever.
18. You passed the writing exam? Congratulations, you're not a retard!!
19. We saw Mona from Who's the Boss at party cove.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Funny summer sayings
Ok, I need to compile a list of funny quotes that I use or my friends use this summer. I can refer back to this list and add more, so let me know if you have others.
1. Phil Collins (has many different meanings)
2. I miss you like a fat kid misses cake.
3. I hate that like a fat kid hates vegetables.
4. Where's Tunafun?
5. Jesus? We found Jesus at party cove!
6. Do you like NASCAR? That's nice, well I like orgasms.
7. Where's the inflatable genitalia?
8. Why can't Bonnie (the secretary) operate the phone? Is it not a rotary dial phone?
9. It looks like she got everything from the Punky Brewster and Rainbow Brite yard sale.
10. You need to tell her that Lance Bass wants his boyfriend back.
11. Fug 21
12. Bless you. Thank you. He was already blessed!
13. He's got high hopes (in a singing voice).
14. Where did all of these straws come from?
15. Poke her in the front, lick her in the back.
16. Liquor? But I barely know her.
17. I miss you like a butt misses a lick.
18. Nut-huggers.
19. I've never seen a wheelchair sticker on a pontoon boat. (repeat from last year)
20. You better wipe that up, you are sweating out your $10 drink.
1. Phil Collins (has many different meanings)
2. I miss you like a fat kid misses cake.
3. I hate that like a fat kid hates vegetables.
4. Where's Tunafun?
5. Jesus? We found Jesus at party cove!
6. Do you like NASCAR? That's nice, well I like orgasms.
7. Where's the inflatable genitalia?
8. Why can't Bonnie (the secretary) operate the phone? Is it not a rotary dial phone?
9. It looks like she got everything from the Punky Brewster and Rainbow Brite yard sale.
10. You need to tell her that Lance Bass wants his boyfriend back.
11. Fug 21
12. Bless you. Thank you. He was already blessed!
13. He's got high hopes (in a singing voice).
14. Where did all of these straws come from?
15. Poke her in the front, lick her in the back.
16. Liquor? But I barely know her.
17. I miss you like a butt misses a lick.
18. Nut-huggers.
19. I've never seen a wheelchair sticker on a pontoon boat. (repeat from last year)
20. You better wipe that up, you are sweating out your $10 drink.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Recent horoscope
Horoscope for June 7, 2007
The Moon, ruler of our emotions, is in Pisces, the sign of being in touch with a good hunch. Non-verbal cues will allow you to quickly assess who is available and who is off limits. Can you trust your judgment to pick a good possible conquest?
The Moon, ruler of our emotions, is in Pisces, the sign of being in touch with a good hunch. Non-verbal cues will allow you to quickly assess who is available and who is off limits. Can you trust your judgment to pick a good possible conquest?
Monday, May 21, 2007
Softball
So I got a chance to play coed softball tonight and I was so excited but sooo nervous. I didn't want to screw up. I played third and actually had 2 good plays there. I got a force out from a grounder and tagged a guy out after a great throw from the outfield. It was sweet. I got a few hits, but my batting needs some work. I missed 2 grounders, so my defense needs some work too, but hey, for not playing in 2 years, I think I did great. Of course my Dad had to ask if I was still pulling it to third and left field because I get too excited and swing early. He used to always yell "Wait on it!" when I played years ago. They invited me back to play again so I hope I can. I could play softball every night of the week and never get sick of it!
Off to Columbia for the rest of the week, then the party starts on Thursday afternoon or evening, yay!!!!!!!!!
Off to Columbia for the rest of the week, then the party starts on Thursday afternoon or evening, yay!!!!!!!!!
Cute new pic
Pic from Saturday at Frankie and Louie's. My hair looks pretty long but my outfit looks like it came out of my dirty laundry, which ironically the shirt did. I hadn't done laundry in awhile because the dryer was broke and I knew I was getting a new one. But that's neither here nor there.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Weekend
What a fun weekend!! Well, the weekend kinda started on Thursday night when Margaret and I hit the Blue Room for 80's night and $2 beers. I am not allowed to have more than 1 jagerbomb ever again because I was a little sick and had to do a little cleaning due to me being sick when I got home. I had to work Friday morning and it sucked bad! I think I was still drunk that morning, so I took it easy on Friday night. 80's night was fun and Margaret was in the top 5 in the dance contest. Pictures below.
Margaret and Jackie met some guys on Friday night and we went out on the boat with them on Saturday, first to Frankie and Louie's. I discovered the best drink of all time and it's good because I don't get as dehydrated. I thought maybe Malibu and water would be good, but I tried and it was love at first sight. I even had a short pretend wedding ceremony where we got married. We then went to Backwater Jack's and Dog Days and I met a lot of fun people. The guys on the boat were super fun and I think everyone had a great time. It was a great day to be out on the water.
The only bad thing is that the new roommate is really stressing me out. He's being really inconsiderate and messy and it's pissing me off. We got into a screaming match on Friday night because he was outside being really loud at 1:30 am. I wasn't sleeping but I was worried that people in the neighborhood would get pissed.
Pictures from Thursday and one from Friday night:
Margaret obviously doesn't want to take anymore pics with me.
Cute pic of Kent and myself.
Margaret was in the dance contest and was moonwalking and doing the Roger Rabbit too.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
How my life is like Sex and the City
Things that happened on Sex and the City that are similar to my life:
1. Once when we were in Florida I met this guy and then a few hours later he was talking to some hootchie mama. So before we left, I threw a drink on him and ran out. This is similar to when Samantha throws the drink on Richard and says "Dirty martini for a dirty bastard." I like her version better.
2. It's quite impossible to always control bodily noises, especially farting. Especially if I've been holding it in for awhile. So sometimes, it accidently happens in the morning and if someone is in bed with me, that's embarassing. But I just play it off like, oh well. Carrie did that once in bed with Mr. Big and the sound was haunting her for days, then he put a whoopee cushion on her chair after that.
3. My favorite word to say if a toliet isn't working is "ballcock." I guess there really is a part called that, but I just like to say it. When Aiden fixes Carrie's toliet, after they broke up, she said, "The last word we say to each other can't be ballcock."
4. Women have to occasionally pluck hairs in areas where we should not have them, believe it or not. If you don't, then you are lucky. I'm probably the only person to admit it. It seems like the same ones come back in the same exact places, like I have a dark hair by my bellybutton that remerges itself sometimes. That's similar to when Samantha finds a gray hair "down there" and says she can't pluck it because 6 more will come to it's funeral!
5. Heidi and I went to Soulard Market once so I could find a fake Coach or Louis Vuitton bag. I found a Coach bag but now I hate it so I hid it in my closet. Carrie and Samantha go to buy a fake Fendi bag in some guy's trunk when they are visiting L.A.
6. I once asked out a guy who had a girlfriend, because I thought he was showing a little interest in me. This is very similar to the episode where Carrie asks out Berger, but he has a girlfriend. I know how she felt.
7. In a little story that I would like to forget, a guy once told me he didn't want to date me anymore....via text message. Wow. This is similar to when Berger broke up with Carrie....via post-it. That was a funny episode, especially at the end where Carrie says, today is not the day I got dumped by a post-it, it's the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie!
8. When I was in college once, my roommate got food from KFC and it smelled so good. After she left for night class, the KFC container was in the trash on the very top and there was an entire chicken strip and some fries in there that were untouched. Of course, I ate them! This reminds me of when Miranda makes the chocolate cake and then throws it away and then eats it out of the trash. She then calls Carrie and tells her this and that she might need this info when checking Miranda into the Betty Crocker clinic.
9. There is a Chinese restaurant by my office that I absolutely love. Sometimes I will eat there twice in one week. I know it's not the most healthy, but the chicken is sauteed and it has lots of veggies, so it's better than a lot of things I could eat. I don't even have to tell the girl what I want anymore, she already knows what I order. Miranda orders take-out from this one Chinese restaurant so often that the girl knows her complete order and then giggles, which pisses Miranda off.
10. Sometimes guys like to do things in the bedroom that kinda surprise me. Not necessarily a bad thing though. I won't go into details, but it's kind of like the episode where Miranda is hooking up with a guy she met while training for a marathon and they hook up after a run one day. The girls ask her how it was and she says, it's was good, but he kind of licked my butt!
11. When we up at Mardi Gras in STL, it was way too cold to show our boobs during the parade. However, after the parade we were in Heidi's car and were driving down this road next to a float full of people and they were yelling. I rolled down the window and flashed them and they started throwing hella beads at us. It was great. There is an episode where the girls are at the Fleet Week Ball and Carrie sees everyone's boobs in that episode.
12. I hate when guys have body hair, especially on their back. In the episode where the girls go to the wedding in the Hamptons, Charlotte makes her date Harry wax his back. Only it turns out to be bright red and gross.
One thing they should have included in that show is an episode where someone gets their panties stolen by a guy who has a weird panty fetish. That would be another similarity with my life.
1. Once when we were in Florida I met this guy and then a few hours later he was talking to some hootchie mama. So before we left, I threw a drink on him and ran out. This is similar to when Samantha throws the drink on Richard and says "Dirty martini for a dirty bastard." I like her version better.
2. It's quite impossible to always control bodily noises, especially farting. Especially if I've been holding it in for awhile. So sometimes, it accidently happens in the morning and if someone is in bed with me, that's embarassing. But I just play it off like, oh well. Carrie did that once in bed with Mr. Big and the sound was haunting her for days, then he put a whoopee cushion on her chair after that.
3. My favorite word to say if a toliet isn't working is "ballcock." I guess there really is a part called that, but I just like to say it. When Aiden fixes Carrie's toliet, after they broke up, she said, "The last word we say to each other can't be ballcock."
4. Women have to occasionally pluck hairs in areas where we should not have them, believe it or not. If you don't, then you are lucky. I'm probably the only person to admit it. It seems like the same ones come back in the same exact places, like I have a dark hair by my bellybutton that remerges itself sometimes. That's similar to when Samantha finds a gray hair "down there" and says she can't pluck it because 6 more will come to it's funeral!
5. Heidi and I went to Soulard Market once so I could find a fake Coach or Louis Vuitton bag. I found a Coach bag but now I hate it so I hid it in my closet. Carrie and Samantha go to buy a fake Fendi bag in some guy's trunk when they are visiting L.A.
6. I once asked out a guy who had a girlfriend, because I thought he was showing a little interest in me. This is very similar to the episode where Carrie asks out Berger, but he has a girlfriend. I know how she felt.
7. In a little story that I would like to forget, a guy once told me he didn't want to date me anymore....via text message. Wow. This is similar to when Berger broke up with Carrie....via post-it. That was a funny episode, especially at the end where Carrie says, today is not the day I got dumped by a post-it, it's the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie!
8. When I was in college once, my roommate got food from KFC and it smelled so good. After she left for night class, the KFC container was in the trash on the very top and there was an entire chicken strip and some fries in there that were untouched. Of course, I ate them! This reminds me of when Miranda makes the chocolate cake and then throws it away and then eats it out of the trash. She then calls Carrie and tells her this and that she might need this info when checking Miranda into the Betty Crocker clinic.
9. There is a Chinese restaurant by my office that I absolutely love. Sometimes I will eat there twice in one week. I know it's not the most healthy, but the chicken is sauteed and it has lots of veggies, so it's better than a lot of things I could eat. I don't even have to tell the girl what I want anymore, she already knows what I order. Miranda orders take-out from this one Chinese restaurant so often that the girl knows her complete order and then giggles, which pisses Miranda off.
10. Sometimes guys like to do things in the bedroom that kinda surprise me. Not necessarily a bad thing though. I won't go into details, but it's kind of like the episode where Miranda is hooking up with a guy she met while training for a marathon and they hook up after a run one day. The girls ask her how it was and she says, it's was good, but he kind of licked my butt!
11. When we up at Mardi Gras in STL, it was way too cold to show our boobs during the parade. However, after the parade we were in Heidi's car and were driving down this road next to a float full of people and they were yelling. I rolled down the window and flashed them and they started throwing hella beads at us. It was great. There is an episode where the girls are at the Fleet Week Ball and Carrie sees everyone's boobs in that episode.
12. I hate when guys have body hair, especially on their back. In the episode where the girls go to the wedding in the Hamptons, Charlotte makes her date Harry wax his back. Only it turns out to be bright red and gross.
One thing they should have included in that show is an episode where someone gets their panties stolen by a guy who has a weird panty fetish. That would be another similarity with my life.
Dallas memories, March 07
irst off, I was laughing so hard at lunch that I cried some at Heidi's comment about Lik-m-aid which is usually known as Fun Dip.
Second, when I was little I put some salt stuff on the roof of my parents car and the vinyl top turned from brown to bright orange. I can't remember much of the details but I don't remember getting in trouble for it so I think my parents either never knew it was me or they just didn't say anything. Heidi and I were discussing how our Mom's had to drive cars that sucked and that always broke down. I was always embarassed of our cars, but how fun would it be if we would have had nice cars?
Third, the bartender at Mantis (Mantus), which is where we hung out tonight and last night, was obsessed with us. Which of course would make sense because we are the most awesomest girls of all time.
Fourth, the DART, which stands for Dallas Area Rapid Transit (I asked some guys last night because I had to know what DART stood for ), is the best invention of all time. Except when the crazy lady touched my hand and also touched Heidi's arm with her dirty old lady soft skin and it was really gross. Also, someone crapped their pants on the DART and it smelled so bad and I asked Heidi if she did it and then I said I didn't so we didn't know where it came from. And, someone was playing loud music even though the sign clearly said "No loud music."
Fifth, Bagels on Heidi and Melissa is awesome. Pictures later.
Sixth, we hate everyone at O Bar, including the guy who tried to steal our cab and I gave him a dirty look.
Seventh, why do people in Dallas eat lunch at like 2 pm? At noon, there was no one at the restaurant but at 2 pm it was packed!!!!!!! Eat lunch at a normal time!!!
Eighth, I wanted to punch the lady who was hogging the jukebox at Silhouettes and then when we played Elton John and even paid extra to have it played first, when it came on, her comment was "Surely I didn't play this?" No, bitch, because you played Goldigger and Gorillaz and some other nasty bullshit that we didn't know. We thought we might trick her when we played Bon Jovi but we should have known that she would love it.
Ninth, Blimpie in the Plaza thing via Skywalk is never open. WTF?? We went there yesterday and today at lunchtime and it wasn't open.
Tenth, the most douchebag fraternity of all time is having their gay formal at the hotel tonight and they are pissing us off. Heidi almost kicked some guy's ass because he thought he was being funny and touched her ass sorta and then she kinda went ape-shizz on him. If he would have touched her, my ape-shizz would have came out and it would have been really embarassing for him. This is why I'm glad I'm out of college and don't have to deal with fraternity guys thinking they are super cool only because they are in a fraternity.
Second, when I was little I put some salt stuff on the roof of my parents car and the vinyl top turned from brown to bright orange. I can't remember much of the details but I don't remember getting in trouble for it so I think my parents either never knew it was me or they just didn't say anything. Heidi and I were discussing how our Mom's had to drive cars that sucked and that always broke down. I was always embarassed of our cars, but how fun would it be if we would have had nice cars?
Third, the bartender at Mantis (Mantus), which is where we hung out tonight and last night, was obsessed with us. Which of course would make sense because we are the most awesomest girls of all time.
Fourth, the DART, which stands for Dallas Area Rapid Transit (I asked some guys last night because I had to know what DART stood for ), is the best invention of all time. Except when the crazy lady touched my hand and also touched Heidi's arm with her dirty old lady soft skin and it was really gross. Also, someone crapped their pants on the DART and it smelled so bad and I asked Heidi if she did it and then I said I didn't so we didn't know where it came from. And, someone was playing loud music even though the sign clearly said "No loud music."
Fifth, Bagels on Heidi and Melissa is awesome. Pictures later.
Sixth, we hate everyone at O Bar, including the guy who tried to steal our cab and I gave him a dirty look.
Seventh, why do people in Dallas eat lunch at like 2 pm? At noon, there was no one at the restaurant but at 2 pm it was packed!!!!!!! Eat lunch at a normal time!!!
Eighth, I wanted to punch the lady who was hogging the jukebox at Silhouettes and then when we played Elton John and even paid extra to have it played first, when it came on, her comment was "Surely I didn't play this?" No, bitch, because you played Goldigger and Gorillaz and some other nasty bullshit that we didn't know. We thought we might trick her when we played Bon Jovi but we should have known that she would love it.
Ninth, Blimpie in the Plaza thing via Skywalk is never open. WTF?? We went there yesterday and today at lunchtime and it wasn't open.
Tenth, the most douchebag fraternity of all time is having their gay formal at the hotel tonight and they are pissing us off. Heidi almost kicked some guy's ass because he thought he was being funny and touched her ass sorta and then she kinda went ape-shizz on him. If he would have touched her, my ape-shizz would have came out and it would have been really embarassing for him. This is why I'm glad I'm out of college and don't have to deal with fraternity guys thinking they are super cool only because they are in a fraternity.
Dear alcohol
Dear Alcohol.. First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My best friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect stress reliever, a cooldown on a hot summer day, and warmth in the cold winter months. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call certain douchebags when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? Same goes with messages on myspace and text messages, please stop me.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that Heidi and I eat 3 orders of cheese fries, 10 White Castle burgers, and 1 order of cheese sticks? Or if it's just me, why do I need a Mexican pizza and Nachos Bell Grande? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down and bang my elbows and knees on anything in sight. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Making my way to the bathroom seems to be hard to do sometimes too when I'm trapped in my closet.
4. Losing things. I lost my awesome feather boa (Leroy), my favorite cooler cup, some of my dignity and self-respect....and that's just in 1 night. I'm glad you helped me keep track of my phone and camera though, thank you for that.
5. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable! My entire day is shot. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately.I will look for an answer no later than Friday on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
I love you,
Melissa
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call certain douchebags when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? Same goes with messages on myspace and text messages, please stop me.
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that Heidi and I eat 3 orders of cheese fries, 10 White Castle burgers, and 1 order of cheese sticks? Or if it's just me, why do I need a Mexican pizza and Nachos Bell Grande? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down and bang my elbows and knees on anything in sight. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Making my way to the bathroom seems to be hard to do sometimes too when I'm trapped in my closet.
4. Losing things. I lost my awesome feather boa (Leroy), my favorite cooler cup, some of my dignity and self-respect....and that's just in 1 night. I'm glad you helped me keep track of my phone and camera though, thank you for that.
5. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable! My entire day is shot. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately.I will look for an answer no later than Friday on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
I love you,
Melissa
Fav memories of 2006
Top ten favorite memories of 2006
10. Father's Day weekend - this was also my little brother's 21st bday, but he's not quite the partier so we just went to dinner. My family means a lot to me and I really do enjoy spending time with them.
9. Mardi Gras pub crawl in February - Amy brought blinky cups for me and I decided to sell them for $10 each for beer money. I made about $90 and spent it all on alcohol at the bars that night. Everyone kept asking where we got them. Amy wasn't feeling well and after Brian and Scott were talking about clam chowder and farting, she puked down the side of the car. It was disgusting when we looked the next morning and they drove back to STL with the car like that.
8. Halloween weekend - We hit Frankie and Louie's for the $1 drinks and food day. I am not sure how many drinks I had (at least 7-8, but maybe more?) and a little food, our bar tab was only $60. We left there and got ready and went to the Blue Room. It's too bad my memory of that evening is pretty weak, but I know it was fun. I was supposed to be a mummy, but everyone kept thinking I was a priest or the Pope or something. All I know is that I was wasted when I went to bed and had to get up really early to go to the Chiefs game that day. We tailgated before the game and the first beer was really tough to get down, but then I was drinking away and got a little drunk at the game. The game was a lot of fun and I'm glad we went.
7. 4th of July weekend - any summer holiday weekend is fun and this weekend was no different. We did the usual party cove stuff, but this time there was some drama. Two of Jon's friends who were a couple, broke up and that was causing problems. The guy I was seeing and I got into it because I kissed some other guy at party cove, oopsie. I was pissed at him so I threw all of his stuff outside and let me tell you, that is a fun thing to do. I highly recommend trying it sometime. He then went over to Jon's, which pissed me off, so I went over there and yelled for awhile to get him to leave. The guys at party cove who did the boob washes were great, that was classic. That's all I really remember from that weekend, but I know it was a good one.
6.Labor Day weekend - I remember this better because it was at the end of the summer. The last big party before fall hits. This was when we hung out with the Wichita crew on their houseboat at party cove. The next houseboat over had a dance contest on their stage and pole they made, so that was interesting. Margaret should have won just for helping grease up the pole. I'm glad her and her gang rented the boat to come out there because I had a lot more fun with them there. Jen was out there with some of her girl friends too. Max had a little encounter with the coast guard and water patrol and had to spend a short amount of time in jail. Oops. Sunday night at the Blue Room was great because almost all of us were there and it wasn't crowded otherwise. Great way to end the summer.
5. Memorial weekend - this weekend started out with me getting so drunk before everyone went to Topsider that I left early and went to my place and passed out. After the bars, I guess everyone decided to party at my place while I was downstairs passed out. I had no idea until the next morning. We had a great time at party cove on Saturday with all the girls there, the usual suspects (Ryan, Jason, Jon, Josh, Craig, etc), and Justin's friends from Colorado. Jen was also there with her girl friends. That's all I remember from that weekend, sorry!
4. Visiting Amanda in Alabama - Amanda is one of my best friends and I only get to see her about twice a year. I went down to her neck of the woods this summer. I met a lot of her friends from Alabama, went out on her friend's boat into the ocean and saw a lot of beautiful wildlife and water that I had never seen before (including jellyfish), and spent some relaxing time at the beach. People in Alabama are a little behind when it comes to music, because all they listen to is Sweet Home Alabama (just kidding Amanda). I was the only person at her local bar who knew Crazy Bitch and this was in July! We had fun having our own dance party at the bar in Gulf Shores too and eating at Waffle House at 3 am.
3. Shootout weekend - my first trip to Big Dick's happened and my hair was totally screwed up from riding 70 mph in a boat all the way there. This is when I met Christian (thanks for letting me wear your apron in the nude), Greg, Carrie, and Brian (all Jon's friends). They were so much fun. This was the night of the text msg war (it's your Mom's) and the time that someone (I won't say who) decided not to wear clothes home from Shooters. The stereo contest on Friday night was so much fun, I won't be missing that next year. I wore the captain's hat to the Blue Room and Topsider and everyone was being my friend. This year I want a pirate's hat to wear. Some friends from college were in town and they couldn't believe how crazy I've become. That's me...
2. My birthday - Heidi came to visit me (in the yellow stretch nuts car) and that made the weekend awesome. Ryan, some girl, Heidi, Margaret, and I went to the Blue Room (after us girls talking about stretch nuts for an extended period of time). Some other people were there that night too, including Casey, the hottest guy ever from the gym. He also likes Cheyenne, but him and his friend went swimming with us following the bars. Saturday we hit party cove and it was ok, but I felt sick from the combination of too much alcohol, Redi Whip, and food. That night we went to Dog Days to see Disco Dick but I was too busy tripping over my heels getting stuck in the floorboards. That was the night we created the signal and once again went swimming when we got home. Jen's friend was wearing my "pee shoes" and he wouldn't take them off. On Sunday, Heidi and I discovered a new show - Instant Beauty Pageant - and watched that for hours after pigging out on Culvers. Double bacon butterburger anyone?
1. Homecoming - of course anytime with Heidi is fun, but including our old stomping grounds makes the time even better. After drinking big beers at El Torrero, we hit the nightlife of Cape G. The first place wasn't so great so we hit Ragsdales. It hasn't changed a bit, which is great. After a big beer, 2 chocolate martinis, and numerous Mich Ultras, I still wasn't drunk! Finally it all hit me at once and we saw some guys I knew from high school. They tricked us into coming over by telling us they were having a party. Yeah right! Luckily, A-hole made the Pike sober ride (I guess he paid him) give us a ride home. The drinking began about 8 am on Saturday with mudslides and donuts and then to the Playdium and parade. Phil "Rowdy" Collins was in the parade. We sang and danced at the Playdium (after my minor puking episode behind the Playdium) and didn't want to leave! After watching the football game for awhile, Wendy's was calling our name. We ate way too much, napped, then got ready to hit the bars again. After a night downtown, we made our way to Hushpuppy for some stripperific fun. The fattest stripper ever was there....and another strippers chest smelled like shaving cream. New words and phrases were made this weekend including schwent, osha, barturtle, turtletender, and not now!
That's my rundown of my fav memories of 2006. I probably left some parts out because almost every one of those involves alcohol. Anyone have anything they would like to add????
10. Father's Day weekend - this was also my little brother's 21st bday, but he's not quite the partier so we just went to dinner. My family means a lot to me and I really do enjoy spending time with them.
9. Mardi Gras pub crawl in February - Amy brought blinky cups for me and I decided to sell them for $10 each for beer money. I made about $90 and spent it all on alcohol at the bars that night. Everyone kept asking where we got them. Amy wasn't feeling well and after Brian and Scott were talking about clam chowder and farting, she puked down the side of the car. It was disgusting when we looked the next morning and they drove back to STL with the car like that.
8. Halloween weekend - We hit Frankie and Louie's for the $1 drinks and food day. I am not sure how many drinks I had (at least 7-8, but maybe more?) and a little food, our bar tab was only $60. We left there and got ready and went to the Blue Room. It's too bad my memory of that evening is pretty weak, but I know it was fun. I was supposed to be a mummy, but everyone kept thinking I was a priest or the Pope or something. All I know is that I was wasted when I went to bed and had to get up really early to go to the Chiefs game that day. We tailgated before the game and the first beer was really tough to get down, but then I was drinking away and got a little drunk at the game. The game was a lot of fun and I'm glad we went.
7. 4th of July weekend - any summer holiday weekend is fun and this weekend was no different. We did the usual party cove stuff, but this time there was some drama. Two of Jon's friends who were a couple, broke up and that was causing problems. The guy I was seeing and I got into it because I kissed some other guy at party cove, oopsie. I was pissed at him so I threw all of his stuff outside and let me tell you, that is a fun thing to do. I highly recommend trying it sometime. He then went over to Jon's, which pissed me off, so I went over there and yelled for awhile to get him to leave. The guys at party cove who did the boob washes were great, that was classic. That's all I really remember from that weekend, but I know it was a good one.
6.Labor Day weekend - I remember this better because it was at the end of the summer. The last big party before fall hits. This was when we hung out with the Wichita crew on their houseboat at party cove. The next houseboat over had a dance contest on their stage and pole they made, so that was interesting. Margaret should have won just for helping grease up the pole. I'm glad her and her gang rented the boat to come out there because I had a lot more fun with them there. Jen was out there with some of her girl friends too. Max had a little encounter with the coast guard and water patrol and had to spend a short amount of time in jail. Oops. Sunday night at the Blue Room was great because almost all of us were there and it wasn't crowded otherwise. Great way to end the summer.
5. Memorial weekend - this weekend started out with me getting so drunk before everyone went to Topsider that I left early and went to my place and passed out. After the bars, I guess everyone decided to party at my place while I was downstairs passed out. I had no idea until the next morning. We had a great time at party cove on Saturday with all the girls there, the usual suspects (Ryan, Jason, Jon, Josh, Craig, etc), and Justin's friends from Colorado. Jen was also there with her girl friends. That's all I remember from that weekend, sorry!
4. Visiting Amanda in Alabama - Amanda is one of my best friends and I only get to see her about twice a year. I went down to her neck of the woods this summer. I met a lot of her friends from Alabama, went out on her friend's boat into the ocean and saw a lot of beautiful wildlife and water that I had never seen before (including jellyfish), and spent some relaxing time at the beach. People in Alabama are a little behind when it comes to music, because all they listen to is Sweet Home Alabama (just kidding Amanda). I was the only person at her local bar who knew Crazy Bitch and this was in July! We had fun having our own dance party at the bar in Gulf Shores too and eating at Waffle House at 3 am.
3. Shootout weekend - my first trip to Big Dick's happened and my hair was totally screwed up from riding 70 mph in a boat all the way there. This is when I met Christian (thanks for letting me wear your apron in the nude), Greg, Carrie, and Brian (all Jon's friends). They were so much fun. This was the night of the text msg war (it's your Mom's) and the time that someone (I won't say who) decided not to wear clothes home from Shooters. The stereo contest on Friday night was so much fun, I won't be missing that next year. I wore the captain's hat to the Blue Room and Topsider and everyone was being my friend. This year I want a pirate's hat to wear. Some friends from college were in town and they couldn't believe how crazy I've become. That's me...
2. My birthday - Heidi came to visit me (in the yellow stretch nuts car) and that made the weekend awesome. Ryan, some girl, Heidi, Margaret, and I went to the Blue Room (after us girls talking about stretch nuts for an extended period of time). Some other people were there that night too, including Casey, the hottest guy ever from the gym. He also likes Cheyenne, but him and his friend went swimming with us following the bars. Saturday we hit party cove and it was ok, but I felt sick from the combination of too much alcohol, Redi Whip, and food. That night we went to Dog Days to see Disco Dick but I was too busy tripping over my heels getting stuck in the floorboards. That was the night we created the signal and once again went swimming when we got home. Jen's friend was wearing my "pee shoes" and he wouldn't take them off. On Sunday, Heidi and I discovered a new show - Instant Beauty Pageant - and watched that for hours after pigging out on Culvers. Double bacon butterburger anyone?
1. Homecoming - of course anytime with Heidi is fun, but including our old stomping grounds makes the time even better. After drinking big beers at El Torrero, we hit the nightlife of Cape G. The first place wasn't so great so we hit Ragsdales. It hasn't changed a bit, which is great. After a big beer, 2 chocolate martinis, and numerous Mich Ultras, I still wasn't drunk! Finally it all hit me at once and we saw some guys I knew from high school. They tricked us into coming over by telling us they were having a party. Yeah right! Luckily, A-hole made the Pike sober ride (I guess he paid him) give us a ride home. The drinking began about 8 am on Saturday with mudslides and donuts and then to the Playdium and parade. Phil "Rowdy" Collins was in the parade. We sang and danced at the Playdium (after my minor puking episode behind the Playdium) and didn't want to leave! After watching the football game for awhile, Wendy's was calling our name. We ate way too much, napped, then got ready to hit the bars again. After a night downtown, we made our way to Hushpuppy for some stripperific fun. The fattest stripper ever was there....and another strippers chest smelled like shaving cream. New words and phrases were made this weekend including schwent, osha, barturtle, turtletender, and not now!
That's my rundown of my fav memories of 2006. I probably left some parts out because almost every one of those involves alcohol. Anyone have anything they would like to add????
Homecoming memories
You know it's a good night when you puke before you even go out (junior and senior years).
I remember laying in the grass after a Lambda Chi party waiting for sober ride to come get me and a bunch of pledges had to help me to the car. Screwdriver breakfast at the Lambda Chi's was always a good time.
Heidi and I made jello shots one year and we also drank some peach schnapps which made us un-drunk!! We got to the bar and realized that we were still sober somehow, even after drinking for hours!
Dr. Brian, Dr. Brian, wake up!
Heidi's parents got a limo one year and when we got to the parade, we saw their limo dropping them off in front of the Playdium. Oh shyte, it's my parents' limo! After the parade we were walking to my car and I hear "there's the girl who broke my table!" Yeah, he was talking to me, from when I broke the table on my 21st bday!
I remember my Dad walking into the Playdium one year and I was so drunk and hungover that I didn't recognize him until he said hi to me. I saw him walk in and I thought, who is that guy?
Heidi, you need to have another hairdo like that year we stayed at my brothers.
We also made Brian P pay our way into the Crackle one year. Hah! Then we stopped at Don's in the ghetto and avoided getting shot to get some cheesy tater tots.
Drinking mudslides and eating donuts is tradition before the parade. Maybe we should add mimosas to the list because that would be yum yum.
Pranking Melissa Landgon in the middle of the night is always good fun.
Heidi leaving at 6 in the morning to go party and she wasn't coming home until she made out with someone!
Puking after the parade and going back into the bar to continue drinking for hours.
Dancing in the street at Jeremiahs when my brother comes to pick up the drunks.
Schmitty has a drinking problem and is having an affair with Claire McCaskill.
Fat people should not be strippers, they should be secretaries.
What are you guys gonna do? Sit around and listen to Journey all night long?
Ordering $15 worth of food from Wendy's for just Heidi and I.
I remember laying in the grass after a Lambda Chi party waiting for sober ride to come get me and a bunch of pledges had to help me to the car. Screwdriver breakfast at the Lambda Chi's was always a good time.
Heidi and I made jello shots one year and we also drank some peach schnapps which made us un-drunk!! We got to the bar and realized that we were still sober somehow, even after drinking for hours!
Dr. Brian, Dr. Brian, wake up!
Heidi's parents got a limo one year and when we got to the parade, we saw their limo dropping them off in front of the Playdium. Oh shyte, it's my parents' limo! After the parade we were walking to my car and I hear "there's the girl who broke my table!" Yeah, he was talking to me, from when I broke the table on my 21st bday!
I remember my Dad walking into the Playdium one year and I was so drunk and hungover that I didn't recognize him until he said hi to me. I saw him walk in and I thought, who is that guy?
Heidi, you need to have another hairdo like that year we stayed at my brothers.
We also made Brian P pay our way into the Crackle one year. Hah! Then we stopped at Don's in the ghetto and avoided getting shot to get some cheesy tater tots.
Drinking mudslides and eating donuts is tradition before the parade. Maybe we should add mimosas to the list because that would be yum yum.
Pranking Melissa Landgon in the middle of the night is always good fun.
Heidi leaving at 6 in the morning to go party and she wasn't coming home until she made out with someone!
Puking after the parade and going back into the bar to continue drinking for hours.
Dancing in the street at Jeremiahs when my brother comes to pick up the drunks.
Schmitty has a drinking problem and is having an affair with Claire McCaskill.
Fat people should not be strippers, they should be secretaries.
What are you guys gonna do? Sit around and listen to Journey all night long?
Ordering $15 worth of food from Wendy's for just Heidi and I.
6 of my weird habits
1. I am obsessed with chewing on things. Call it an oral fixation (yes, think whatever you want) if you will, but I am always chewing on everything. First and foremost is chewing and biting my nails. I've done that for as long as I can remember and I've tried to quit. I love chewing on those plastic tags that hold the price tag on your clothes. I also love chewing on pens until the ink comes out in my mouth and that's gross. I know it's totally unsanitary, but whatever, I do it anyway.
2. I hate eggs with a passion. I don't know how to cook them either, so don't ask me to make you eggs. When I was little I always wondered how you would know if you were getting a yolk, or a little baby chicken when you cracked open an egg. I'm not sure I know that answer today. My dad even had a little chicken house for awhile when I was little and I liked them. Hopefully, the only time I use eggs (in a cake mix, brownies, etc), I won't crack it open and a little baby chicken would come out. That would be weird.
3. Also, when I was little, I thought rent-to-own places were magical. You could get a big screen tv and only pay $20 a week for it?? What a deal!! I thought my parents were strange for not going to the local rent-to-own place so we could have a big tv, a new couch, whatever...when we had a smaller tv and a couch that wasn't as cool as the ones on tv. I knew when I grew up I would definitely get everything from a rent-to-own place.
4. I am not photogenic and I always hate how I look in pictures. If I make someone take a picture of me, I make them take a bunch until it's perfect. If not, then I look at the picture and critique it and find something wrong (for example: I think my arms look fat in every picture, hence the term BFA - big fat arm/s). I don't believe I look as bad in person as I do in some of my pictures.
5. I am super-obsessed with Sex and the City and sometimes I feel like that's real life. I compare a lot of things in my life with SATC. For instance, I want to find a man just like Steve...he was so in love with Miranda for years and finally they got back together and got married. Of course, I don't want to be a single mother like Miranda was before they did get back together, but anyway. I never watched it when it was on HBO because I was a poor college kid and didn't have that channel. I didn't start watching the show until the reruns starting on TBS but now I have every dvd. I watch it every night at 10 and 11 if I'm home and if I'm up. I also want to write a book someday like Carrie. I also have the trivia game so if you are ever up for challenging me, let's do it! We can make it into a drinking game like Heidi and I did.
6. I love doing the crossword puzzle in People magazine and that's the first thing I do when I pick up the magazine from the mail on Friday or the weekend. I don't look through the magazine until I've done the crossword. I also like the crossword puzzle in TV Guide but it's usually too hard, at least People's is easier.
2. I hate eggs with a passion. I don't know how to cook them either, so don't ask me to make you eggs. When I was little I always wondered how you would know if you were getting a yolk, or a little baby chicken when you cracked open an egg. I'm not sure I know that answer today. My dad even had a little chicken house for awhile when I was little and I liked them. Hopefully, the only time I use eggs (in a cake mix, brownies, etc), I won't crack it open and a little baby chicken would come out. That would be weird.
3. Also, when I was little, I thought rent-to-own places were magical. You could get a big screen tv and only pay $20 a week for it?? What a deal!! I thought my parents were strange for not going to the local rent-to-own place so we could have a big tv, a new couch, whatever...when we had a smaller tv and a couch that wasn't as cool as the ones on tv. I knew when I grew up I would definitely get everything from a rent-to-own place.
4. I am not photogenic and I always hate how I look in pictures. If I make someone take a picture of me, I make them take a bunch until it's perfect. If not, then I look at the picture and critique it and find something wrong (for example: I think my arms look fat in every picture, hence the term BFA - big fat arm/s). I don't believe I look as bad in person as I do in some of my pictures.
5. I am super-obsessed with Sex and the City and sometimes I feel like that's real life. I compare a lot of things in my life with SATC. For instance, I want to find a man just like Steve...he was so in love with Miranda for years and finally they got back together and got married. Of course, I don't want to be a single mother like Miranda was before they did get back together, but anyway. I never watched it when it was on HBO because I was a poor college kid and didn't have that channel. I didn't start watching the show until the reruns starting on TBS but now I have every dvd. I watch it every night at 10 and 11 if I'm home and if I'm up. I also want to write a book someday like Carrie. I also have the trivia game so if you are ever up for challenging me, let's do it! We can make it into a drinking game like Heidi and I did.
6. I love doing the crossword puzzle in People magazine and that's the first thing I do when I pick up the magazine from the mail on Friday or the weekend. I don't look through the magazine until I've done the crossword. I also like the crossword puzzle in TV Guide but it's usually too hard, at least People's is easier.
Another spring break 2002 story
As I said in a previous blog, my favorite activity and purpose of spring break was to get drunk. I also was interested in getting tan and having a lot of fun and meeting cute boys. We had beautiful weather when we were in PCB and went down to the beach everyday. I pretty much drank from the time we got to the beach until I passed out that night. One day, those of us that were sharing beer ran out, but the other girls who weren't drinking much still had plenty. I asked them if we could drink theirs and then I would go buy them another case when we went to WalMart, they got really bitchy but said it was ok. When you are out in the hot sun a cold beer tastes really good. When you are lying down or sitting all day, you don't realize how drunk you get. I got into the ocean a few times with my beer but I always held it up out of the water so I wouldn't get nasty ocean water in it.
One day, I decided to make a beer pyramid out of empty beer cans. This was a tough task because my coordination was off and the sand wasn't even. Finally, I accomplished my task and everyone took pictures. I have them at home but not scanned, or I would put them on here. That same day, we left the beach around dinnertime. Everyone was arguing over who would pull the cooler back to our room. It has wheels on it but you had to drag it through the sand. The other girls we were with weren't drinking much of their beer so the cooler was pretty full too. Finally, I got sick of everyone arguing and grabbed the cooler and pulled it. I couldn't even walk straight before I had to drag the cooler, so it was even more difficult after. Some guy was walking by us and he goes, "are you ok," "oh, you dropped your sunglasses," "oh, you just dropped your keys," "you just dropped your camera." Plus, I fell two times in the midst of this and everyone just let me pull it and kept laughing. There was this wavy, crooked line in the sand from where I pulled the cooler back to our room. Imagine the scenario: after drinking for about 5-6 hours, walking in the sand, pulling a cooler, trying to carry sunglasses, keys, and a camera. That was me.
Oh, spring break...how I miss you so...
One day, I decided to make a beer pyramid out of empty beer cans. This was a tough task because my coordination was off and the sand wasn't even. Finally, I accomplished my task and everyone took pictures. I have them at home but not scanned, or I would put them on here. That same day, we left the beach around dinnertime. Everyone was arguing over who would pull the cooler back to our room. It has wheels on it but you had to drag it through the sand. The other girls we were with weren't drinking much of their beer so the cooler was pretty full too. Finally, I got sick of everyone arguing and grabbed the cooler and pulled it. I couldn't even walk straight before I had to drag the cooler, so it was even more difficult after. Some guy was walking by us and he goes, "are you ok," "oh, you dropped your sunglasses," "oh, you just dropped your keys," "you just dropped your camera." Plus, I fell two times in the midst of this and everyone just let me pull it and kept laughing. There was this wavy, crooked line in the sand from where I pulled the cooler back to our room. Imagine the scenario: after drinking for about 5-6 hours, walking in the sand, pulling a cooler, trying to carry sunglasses, keys, and a camera. That was me.
Oh, spring break...how I miss you so...
Spring break 2001 story
This happened in South Padre Island on spring break 2000. We were staying in this nice hotel with a pool and hot tub. The best part was there was a stage set up on the beach right by our hotel so pretty much everyone came from all the other hotels to the beach by ours. It was always so crowded down there in the afternoon, people everywhere. Some guys even found a couch somewhere and carried it down to the beach with them, I have a pic of Michelle and Laura sitting on the couch, but it's not on the computer otherwise I would post it. Laura and I were down at the beach one afternoon, I think everyone else went back up to the room, and I was carrying our cheap ass styrofoam cooler around. We had to buy 2 of those coolers because we didn't have real ones with us. I was tired of standing so I decided to sit on the cooler. Oops....it busted when I sat on it. I should have known, but I wasn't thinking about that. I got my butt all wet and all these guys saw me and started laughing. Some of them were guys who went to school with us so I didn't care about them, but a lot of others saw it as well. There were only a few beers left in it by then, so I just ended up carrying them. We were down to one cooler after that, but one night a bunch of us got into an argument and Michelle kicked the other cooler. Luckily we were leaving the next day or so and didn't need that cooler either.
Things about my brothers
I thought of a few funny things to share..but they might be inside jokes. I'll try to explain them. My brothers can be real jerks sometimes and because I'm the only girl they like to pick on me regularly. I don't see them as much as I used to, so the picking has been limited, but they used to bug me quite often. Here are some of the things they do or say to me:
Call me Grimace (that big fat purple monster from McDonalds) if I wear a purple shirt.
Call me Lisshead or Headliss
Call me Leslian (because it sounds like lesbian)
One time I was talking to my dad in the living room and Bryan came in and goes "the lesbian on the couch keeps on talking" to the tune of "the wheel in the sky keeps on turning" by Journey.
Bryan also was singing "raise a little what Melissa looks like in the morning" to the tune of "raise a little hell" by I can't remember. I don't look like hell in the morning, I actually look a lot better than most people.
Squeeze me in between them if I have to ride in the car sitting in the middle.
Throw me over the arm of the couch while my dad just looks on and laughs.
I have to add this one funny thing about my dad..my brother were fighting one time, pushing each other around..and dad goes "knock it off before you..knock something off" and we all started laughing at that one.
Gotta love family, what would we do without it.
Call me Grimace (that big fat purple monster from McDonalds) if I wear a purple shirt.
Call me Lisshead or Headliss
Call me Leslian (because it sounds like lesbian)
One time I was talking to my dad in the living room and Bryan came in and goes "the lesbian on the couch keeps on talking" to the tune of "the wheel in the sky keeps on turning" by Journey.
Bryan also was singing "raise a little what Melissa looks like in the morning" to the tune of "raise a little hell" by I can't remember. I don't look like hell in the morning, I actually look a lot better than most people.
Squeeze me in between them if I have to ride in the car sitting in the middle.
Throw me over the arm of the couch while my dad just looks on and laughs.
I have to add this one funny thing about my dad..my brother were fighting one time, pushing each other around..and dad goes "knock it off before you..knock something off" and we all started laughing at that one.
Gotta love family, what would we do without it.
Spring break 2002 story
My senior year we went to Panama City Beach, FL. I went with Michelle G, Melissa, Amanda, Dawn, Sarah, and Michele P. That's 2 Melissa's and 2 Michel(l)e's. My only purpose for going on spring break was to get drunk and meet lots of cute boys. Oh, and to get a good tan. Four of us girls decided to share beer because we all liked Bud Light. By the end of the week, we had went through approximately 14 cases of beer. That's 14 cases for 4 girls! I think I drank about 4 of those cases myself, because I pretty much drank from 11 am until I passed out, usually between 1 and 4. We snuck beers into our purses into the bars. I had always had low self-esteem but had started to come out of my shell on this trip..when I got back, my self-esteem has skyrocketed!
Ok, so one day we decided to go to a beach party at this bar that was probably 5-6 miles from our hotel. It was $20 all you could eat and drink and lasted from like 11 until 5 or so. The food was awesome..Domino's, McDonalds, etc. I was not interested in eating, I ate maybe 1 real meal a day on this trip. The rest of my meals were beer. Melissa and I decided to stand by the kegs so we could double-fist it and wouldn't have to wait in line for another beer. I also drank some fruit punch alcohol stuff after awhile, but it ended up all over my shirt and on my white shoes. Some of the girls left early a couple hours before the rest of us. We had taken a shuttle there and were going to take one home. When we got back, there was a Penske in the parking lot!!! If you don't know the Penske story, I'll have to tell that one later. I made Melissa take a picture of me pointing to the Penske and I still treasure that picture to this day. When we got to the room, only a couple of the girls who left early were home. They said they started walking but hitched a ride with some guys. The other girls were still walking...this was like 2 hours after they left! Finally, a little bit later, they got back to the room. They had walked the entire way home, stopping to pee in the ocean on occasion.
One day, Michelle pissed me off and made me cry after we got back from the beach so I went back down there to find Melissa and Amanda. They were hanging out with some guys and I made those guys let me bong 3 beers in a row. Then we went to WalMarts, holy crap...they kept leaving me and I was incredibly wasted. I could barely see what was in front of me and I was carrying my case of beer around with me. That was the most drunken WalMarts experience I've ever had.
Ok, so one day we decided to go to a beach party at this bar that was probably 5-6 miles from our hotel. It was $20 all you could eat and drink and lasted from like 11 until 5 or so. The food was awesome..Domino's, McDonalds, etc. I was not interested in eating, I ate maybe 1 real meal a day on this trip. The rest of my meals were beer. Melissa and I decided to stand by the kegs so we could double-fist it and wouldn't have to wait in line for another beer. I also drank some fruit punch alcohol stuff after awhile, but it ended up all over my shirt and on my white shoes. Some of the girls left early a couple hours before the rest of us. We had taken a shuttle there and were going to take one home. When we got back, there was a Penske in the parking lot!!! If you don't know the Penske story, I'll have to tell that one later. I made Melissa take a picture of me pointing to the Penske and I still treasure that picture to this day. When we got to the room, only a couple of the girls who left early were home. They said they started walking but hitched a ride with some guys. The other girls were still walking...this was like 2 hours after they left! Finally, a little bit later, they got back to the room. They had walked the entire way home, stopping to pee in the ocean on occasion.
One day, Michelle pissed me off and made me cry after we got back from the beach so I went back down there to find Melissa and Amanda. They were hanging out with some guys and I made those guys let me bong 3 beers in a row. Then we went to WalMarts, holy crap...they kept leaving me and I was incredibly wasted. I could barely see what was in front of me and I was carrying my case of beer around with me. That was the most drunken WalMarts experience I've ever had.
The Penske story
Now I will share the Penske story because a lot of my other stories revolve around this one.
Everyone knows what a Penske is..the big yellow moving trucks, some are white.
My junior year of college we (Laura, Michelle, Kania, Krissa, Heather, and myself) went to South Padre Island for spring break. We drove down there and it was about an 18 hour drive. On the way down and back, we switched drivers every couple hours but we were all so tired anyway. With me, tired = giddy which = everything is funny. Laura was driving along, probably somewhere in Arkansas or Texas and a Penske drove by and had a bad smelling gassy exhaust. Laura goes "eewww Penske." Well, I was incredibly sleep-deprived and start cracking up about Penske. When we got to TX, we started saying Penske all the time. Like, "that's so Penske," or "those guys look like Penskes," or "you might be a Penske if." Of course, it was an inside joke and no one but us understood why it was so funny. We even made a sign for the guys next door that said "Welcome to the Penske's." Yes, I know...it's weird...but it's one of those inside jokes that's hilarious. When we got back to school, the Penske jokes continued. Everytime we saw a Penske, we mentioned it and laughed.
At Greek games a month or so later, everyone was so tired because we just finished up our I-Week. I had to take the writing exam too, so I hadn't even had a nap yet. Laura and I were going on and on about Penskes, of course, no one else thought it was funny. Then, I dropped her back off at the sorority house and guess what was parked in the parking lot...a Penske!!!! We died laughing and later found out the Penske was there to help move some stuff from our house somewhere else.
I shared this story with my dad and he says everytime he sees a Penske, he thinks of me. We told Melissa about the Penske story and that's why we were cracking up in PCB the next year. Melissa got to rent a Penske once to help her aunt move. I have never been in one, I wanted my dad to rent one when I moved, but there were no Penske parking lots where I lived. Still, to this day, if I see a Penske, I feel like I'm going to have good luck and it makes me remember all the stupid, fun times I had in college and spring breaks.
Everyone knows what a Penske is..the big yellow moving trucks, some are white.
My junior year of college we (Laura, Michelle, Kania, Krissa, Heather, and myself) went to South Padre Island for spring break. We drove down there and it was about an 18 hour drive. On the way down and back, we switched drivers every couple hours but we were all so tired anyway. With me, tired = giddy which = everything is funny. Laura was driving along, probably somewhere in Arkansas or Texas and a Penske drove by and had a bad smelling gassy exhaust. Laura goes "eewww Penske." Well, I was incredibly sleep-deprived and start cracking up about Penske. When we got to TX, we started saying Penske all the time. Like, "that's so Penske," or "those guys look like Penskes," or "you might be a Penske if." Of course, it was an inside joke and no one but us understood why it was so funny. We even made a sign for the guys next door that said "Welcome to the Penske's." Yes, I know...it's weird...but it's one of those inside jokes that's hilarious. When we got back to school, the Penske jokes continued. Everytime we saw a Penske, we mentioned it and laughed.
At Greek games a month or so later, everyone was so tired because we just finished up our I-Week. I had to take the writing exam too, so I hadn't even had a nap yet. Laura and I were going on and on about Penskes, of course, no one else thought it was funny. Then, I dropped her back off at the sorority house and guess what was parked in the parking lot...a Penske!!!! We died laughing and later found out the Penske was there to help move some stuff from our house somewhere else.
I shared this story with my dad and he says everytime he sees a Penske, he thinks of me. We told Melissa about the Penske story and that's why we were cracking up in PCB the next year. Melissa got to rent a Penske once to help her aunt move. I have never been in one, I wanted my dad to rent one when I moved, but there were no Penske parking lots where I lived. Still, to this day, if I see a Penske, I feel like I'm going to have good luck and it makes me remember all the stupid, fun times I had in college and spring breaks.
Yet another college story
Our last year of college, Heidi and I liked to go to this bar in Cape. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was called then, but it was across the street from Mudsuckers. It has kind of a beach-type theme. Anyway, they had good margaritas and pretty good food, plus we liked to play trivia on the little game things with the tv. We'd go there, have a few margaritas, and eat some food. One time I ordered their fried cheese sticks, which I thought was a safe bet. I'd had them at many places before. When I ate the first one, it tasted kinda weird and the cheese was weird and kinda runny. The cheese sticks I'd had before just had mozarella cheese and it wasn't ever very runny. I decided to call this cheese goat cheese. Even though I know it wasn't, goat cheese became the name for any kind of gross cheese.
On my 21st bday, we ate there again and I had the cheese sticks. I was telling everyone they had goat cheese and of course, Heidi and I were cracking up. My old roommate, Stephanie, didn't think it was very funny and she was getting kind of mad and kept saying "it's not goat cheese." We just laughed.
Heidi was telling me she went to a happy hour thing a month or so ago and they had cheese sticks with gross cheese and she kept saying it was goat cheese. No one understood the joke and she just kept laughing about it.
The reason this story came to mind is because some lady emailed the secretary here and wanted a recipe for goat cheese and of course I got the luxury of trying to find it. Why would you want to make goat cheese when you can buy normal, good cheese at the store? Cheese from a goat just sounds strange and gross to me.
On my 21st bday, we ate there again and I had the cheese sticks. I was telling everyone they had goat cheese and of course, Heidi and I were cracking up. My old roommate, Stephanie, didn't think it was very funny and she was getting kind of mad and kept saying "it's not goat cheese." We just laughed.
Heidi was telling me she went to a happy hour thing a month or so ago and they had cheese sticks with gross cheese and she kept saying it was goat cheese. No one understood the joke and she just kept laughing about it.
The reason this story came to mind is because some lady emailed the secretary here and wanted a recipe for goat cheese and of course I got the luxury of trying to find it. Why would you want to make goat cheese when you can buy normal, good cheese at the store? Cheese from a goat just sounds strange and gross to me.
My playlist...about a year old
Opening credits::
Sweet Melissa by Allman Brothers Band
Waking Up::
Jump by Van Halen
Getting Dressed::
I Say A Little Prayer from My Best Friend's Wedding
Introduction of your friends::
Victory Song aka The Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
Normal Day::
Angel Eyes by the Jeff Healey Band
Encounter with enemies::
I'll Be Alright Without You by Journey
Being alone, feeling regret::
What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
Doing exactly what you love, feeling ecstatic::
Back That Ass Up by Juvenile
At a party, being the center of attention::
Push It by Salt N Pepa
Being jealous of someone close::
All Out of Love by Air Supply
Can't keep your eyes off someone::
Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse
Feeling failure::
By Your Side by Sade
Big change::
Cool Change by Little River Band
Mental breakdown, tragedy::
I'm Movin On by Rascal Flatts
Driving::
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem by Kenny Chesney
Getting in a huge fight with an enemy::
Ridin the Storm Out by REO Speedwagon
Love/sex scene::
Something Sexy About the Rain by Kenny Chesney
Sleeping::
New York State of Mind by Billy Joel
Death::
I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan
Your funeral::
One More Day by Diamond Rio
The world without you::
If You Leave Me Now by Chicago
Closing credits::
I Like the Way You Move by Outkast
Sweet Melissa by Allman Brothers Band
Waking Up::
Jump by Van Halen
Getting Dressed::
I Say A Little Prayer from My Best Friend's Wedding
Introduction of your friends::
Victory Song aka The Glory of Love by Peter Cetera
Normal Day::
Angel Eyes by the Jeff Healey Band
Encounter with enemies::
I'll Be Alright Without You by Journey
Being alone, feeling regret::
What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts
Doing exactly what you love, feeling ecstatic::
Back That Ass Up by Juvenile
At a party, being the center of attention::
Push It by Salt N Pepa
Being jealous of someone close::
All Out of Love by Air Supply
Can't keep your eyes off someone::
Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse
Feeling failure::
By Your Side by Sade
Big change::
Cool Change by Little River Band
Mental breakdown, tragedy::
I'm Movin On by Rascal Flatts
Driving::
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem by Kenny Chesney
Getting in a huge fight with an enemy::
Ridin the Storm Out by REO Speedwagon
Love/sex scene::
Something Sexy About the Rain by Kenny Chesney
Sleeping::
New York State of Mind by Billy Joel
Death::
I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan
Your funeral::
One More Day by Diamond Rio
The world without you::
If You Leave Me Now by Chicago
Closing credits::
I Like the Way You Move by Outkast
Another college story
Here's a good old story from SEMO, circa spring 2000.
When I was a sophomore, we attended a lot of football parties. The crowd varied but on this night I attended with Marzena, Melissa, Tammy, and Angela Ruzika (she drove us). The players told us that if you were under 21, you couldn't drink at this party because it was being held at a community center type place in downtown Cape. We decided to sneak in our own vodka because they said they would have fruit punch there to drink. We got our drinks then went into the bathroom to put vodka in our cups. We danced, laughed, had a good time, and all kinda got seperated. A little while later I see Melissa holding hands with some guy with red punch all over her shirt. After being there for awhile and getting pretty plastered, we made Angela take us to the Sig Tau house. She was sober, but she dropped us off and went somewhere else. There were only a few people over at the Sig Tau house but we made them play some music for us so we could dance. Melissa and Marzena disappeared, but the sorority house was right by the dorms, so I figured they walked home. After awhile, I walked home too, I lived about 1/4 of a mile down the street, but I remember thinking I didn't drink that much but I felt wasted. When I got home, I got a phone call from Melissa saying that Marzena had called her boyfriend in STL and told him to come down. Two hours later, Melissa called again saying Charlie was there and he had come down because he thought something happened to Marzena because he couldn't understand a word she was saying.
Needless to say, we later found out the juice drinks we got at the football party already had Everclear in them. Add some vodka to that and that's how we got so screwed up. I don't know what happened to Tammy that night, she disappeared, but that was pretty common back then.
Oh, how I miss the days of college. Fun times back then!
When I was a sophomore, we attended a lot of football parties. The crowd varied but on this night I attended with Marzena, Melissa, Tammy, and Angela Ruzika (she drove us). The players told us that if you were under 21, you couldn't drink at this party because it was being held at a community center type place in downtown Cape. We decided to sneak in our own vodka because they said they would have fruit punch there to drink. We got our drinks then went into the bathroom to put vodka in our cups. We danced, laughed, had a good time, and all kinda got seperated. A little while later I see Melissa holding hands with some guy with red punch all over her shirt. After being there for awhile and getting pretty plastered, we made Angela take us to the Sig Tau house. She was sober, but she dropped us off and went somewhere else. There were only a few people over at the Sig Tau house but we made them play some music for us so we could dance. Melissa and Marzena disappeared, but the sorority house was right by the dorms, so I figured they walked home. After awhile, I walked home too, I lived about 1/4 of a mile down the street, but I remember thinking I didn't drink that much but I felt wasted. When I got home, I got a phone call from Melissa saying that Marzena had called her boyfriend in STL and told him to come down. Two hours later, Melissa called again saying Charlie was there and he had come down because he thought something happened to Marzena because he couldn't understand a word she was saying.
Needless to say, we later found out the juice drinks we got at the football party already had Everclear in them. Add some vodka to that and that's how we got so screwed up. I don't know what happened to Tammy that night, she disappeared, but that was pretty common back then.
Oh, how I miss the days of college. Fun times back then!
Things I've learned from men
1. If you have dealbreakers, do not compromise them. Stand your ground. Be honest up front and it will save future heartache.
2. Someone truly can change their feelings about you within a 24-hour period. Amazing to me, but apparently some people can. My feelings don't go away that fast, I mean maybe if someone really betrayed me but not over something stupid.
3. Some guys cannot handle a break-up very well and will try to insult you because they are pissed. Be prepared for this, and ignore them if possible.
4. From now on, I should specify when things are over by saying those words exactly. Just because I thought it was loud and clear, a male may not.
5. Don't let a guy bring you down. If he tries to mess with your self-esteem or confidence, he is probably just mad and knows how to push your buttons. Let it go in one ear and out the other.
6. Is there really such a thing as true love? Is there really a soulmate or perfect person out there? Do we have to compromise the things we are looking for in order to find someone who is pretty good but not perfect?
7. Some guys are assholes deep down but they do a pretty damn good job of keeping it hidden. If a guy talks really bad about all of his exes, there's probably something going on. I guess in some cases all of those women could have hurt him bad, but I doubt every single one of them did.
8. There are guys who have had bad experiences with exes who will carry that with them forever. That shouldn't affect their feelings for you, they need to get over that and realize you are a totally different person.
9. Keep receipts for anything you bought them. Good thing I didn't have to experience this lesson to realize it!
10. Anyone can read your myspace profile, even people without a profile. Why they check it all the time is beyond me, unless they are just looking for something to be pissed about, which I think was true in my case.
11. Maybe some people are meant to be single forever, and maybe I'm one of those people. Especially if all the good guys really are taken.
Any thoughts or comments? I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about this, I just thought I would share.
2. Someone truly can change their feelings about you within a 24-hour period. Amazing to me, but apparently some people can. My feelings don't go away that fast, I mean maybe if someone really betrayed me but not over something stupid.
3. Some guys cannot handle a break-up very well and will try to insult you because they are pissed. Be prepared for this, and ignore them if possible.
4. From now on, I should specify when things are over by saying those words exactly. Just because I thought it was loud and clear, a male may not.
5. Don't let a guy bring you down. If he tries to mess with your self-esteem or confidence, he is probably just mad and knows how to push your buttons. Let it go in one ear and out the other.
6. Is there really such a thing as true love? Is there really a soulmate or perfect person out there? Do we have to compromise the things we are looking for in order to find someone who is pretty good but not perfect?
7. Some guys are assholes deep down but they do a pretty damn good job of keeping it hidden. If a guy talks really bad about all of his exes, there's probably something going on. I guess in some cases all of those women could have hurt him bad, but I doubt every single one of them did.
8. There are guys who have had bad experiences with exes who will carry that with them forever. That shouldn't affect their feelings for you, they need to get over that and realize you are a totally different person.
9. Keep receipts for anything you bought them. Good thing I didn't have to experience this lesson to realize it!
10. Anyone can read your myspace profile, even people without a profile. Why they check it all the time is beyond me, unless they are just looking for something to be pissed about, which I think was true in my case.
11. Maybe some people are meant to be single forever, and maybe I'm one of those people. Especially if all the good guys really are taken.
Any thoughts or comments? I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about this, I just thought I would share.
2 funny stories from college days
When Heidi and I were roommates we were always thinking of clever, funny things to do with our time. We didn't have much money so we had to use our imagination. One warm fall afternoon we decided to make use of a plastic bottle of thousand island salad dressing. Neither one of us ate that kind of salad dressing and it was almost full. I think it was left from when Stephanie was my roommate. We took the bottle, put it in the road on Sprigg Street in front of our apartment and waited. We thought it would take awhile for someone to run over it or we may even have to move it before someone did so we sat and watched. The first car that drove by ran right over the middle of the bottle and salad dressing squirted everywhere..all over our yard and the street. We were cracking up like crazy because we didn't think anyone would run over it for awhile, let alone the first car. The next day when I went to school I started laughing when I saw the salad dressing all over the street and our yard.
The other story is when Heidi and I were bored one night and decided to trick our friend (who will remain nameless). We pranked her sometimes, but we were bored with that and needed something new. She was also obsessed with J Lo and this was whenever the big anthrax scare was going on and they said if you got a package and didn't know where it came from or if something looks like baby powder, you should call the police. Heidi and I took an envelope and put a cut-out picture of J Lo and then some baby powder in it and drove over to our friend's house and were going to leave it on her doorstep. We got there and got kinda scared because we thought she might call the police or something and they would get our fingerprints off the envelope and then we would go to jail. The envelope with J Lo and the baby powder never made it to her doorstep and we went home. Mission unaccomplished.
The other story is when Heidi and I were bored one night and decided to trick our friend (who will remain nameless). We pranked her sometimes, but we were bored with that and needed something new. She was also obsessed with J Lo and this was whenever the big anthrax scare was going on and they said if you got a package and didn't know where it came from or if something looks like baby powder, you should call the police. Heidi and I took an envelope and put a cut-out picture of J Lo and then some baby powder in it and drove over to our friend's house and were going to leave it on her doorstep. We got there and got kinda scared because we thought she might call the police or something and they would get our fingerprints off the envelope and then we would go to jail. The envelope with J Lo and the baby powder never made it to her doorstep and we went home. Mission unaccomplished.
Deep thoughts
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
And no, I didn't think of these myself, I copied them from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy but man, are they funny?!
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"
And no, I didn't think of these myself, I copied them from Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy but man, are they funny?!
Things I loathe/love to say
I just decided about 10 minutes ago that I have a new most-hated saying. Well, no I change that, I have 2 now thanks to one of my co-workers being on the phone right now.
1. "Ducks in a row" - what the heck does this even mean? It is because baby ducks follow their mom duck in a row? I think it might mean to get things organized, but since when are ducks organized? I pretty much HATE this saying and because I don't really understand it's meaning makes me hate it even more.
2. "when push comes to shove" - I don't think I understand this one either. I never say it because I don't know the appropriate time to say it. I've never used it in a sentence because it would sound like this, "When push comes to shove...you know...no, you don't know...well me either." One of my co-workers says this on a daily basis but I still haven't found an appropriate time myself to use it.
Some things I do like to say:
"Oh crap"
"I love you" to yummy food items, clothes, my TV guide or People crossword puzzles, or other inanimate objects
"God is my co-pilot" I don't really like to say this but it reminds me of this funny sign we saw on some guy's bumper and it actually had a picture of God (or what the artist thinks God looks like).
"Bitch, please" I don't ever say this, but it's still fun.
"You've got to be kidding me" This one I do say, especially when I hear gossip that I don't believe.
"YES" You just have to hear it to understand
"Give me a jiggle" instead of jingle
Phil Collins
1. "Ducks in a row" - what the heck does this even mean? It is because baby ducks follow their mom duck in a row? I think it might mean to get things organized, but since when are ducks organized? I pretty much HATE this saying and because I don't really understand it's meaning makes me hate it even more.
2. "when push comes to shove" - I don't think I understand this one either. I never say it because I don't know the appropriate time to say it. I've never used it in a sentence because it would sound like this, "When push comes to shove...you know...no, you don't know...well me either." One of my co-workers says this on a daily basis but I still haven't found an appropriate time myself to use it.
Some things I do like to say:
"Oh crap"
"I love you" to yummy food items, clothes, my TV guide or People crossword puzzles, or other inanimate objects
"God is my co-pilot" I don't really like to say this but it reminds me of this funny sign we saw on some guy's bumper and it actually had a picture of God (or what the artist thinks God looks like).
"Bitch, please" I don't ever say this, but it's still fun.
"You've got to be kidding me" This one I do say, especially when I hear gossip that I don't believe.
"YES" You just have to hear it to understand
"Give me a jiggle" instead of jingle
Phil Collins
Funny story from 8th grade
So I thought of a funny story to share. It might be more like one of those "you had to be there" things but I'll try to describe it as best as possible.
Back in 8th grade, my best friend was Brandy but she went between me and this other girl Sarah Young as her best friend. This, of course, made me hate Sarah Young because I had to fight for Brandy's attention with her. Plus, Sarah was a bitch. She hardly had any friends, but she told everyone that she was going to move to Bismarck (a po-dunk town next to ours) so she could be popular there. She also took ice skating lessons and said she was going to be in the Olympics someday, hah.
So one day, while I was in science class, Brandy and some other people had a great idea. They shared the idea with me in algebra class. They had made a petition wanting Sarah Young to move to Bismarck. We passed it around algebra class and had everyone except Sarah and her friend Mandy sign it. I put "from your good friends - Brandy, Melissa, Brad, and Emily." Probably not the smartest move, you'll see why in a minute.
After getting more signatures, we decided to give the petition to Sarah after lunch. She started crying and told the teacher, so I guess Sarah took it to the principal. During gym class, the foursome (Brandy, me, Brad, and Emily) had to go to the principals office. I felt sorry for Emily because the only reason she got in on this was because she sat by the four of us. Then, everyone else who signed the petition got called into this classroom (we all couldn't fit into the principal's office) and were assigned to after-school detention for 2 days. Funny thing, this was all the fairly smart kids because we passed it around in algebra, which was the highest math class. Some of the other signatures were - John Deere Green, John Doe, and this guy in our class who wasn't smart and said he didn't even know who Sarah Young was.
For our after-school punishment, we had to watch videos on respect and how to treat people. It was actually pretty much a waste of time. Sarah Young's mom sent the petition with a letter to everyone's parents. My mom and dad were sorta mad at me and grounded me for a week. Brandy's mom thought it was funny (she didn't like Sarah) and she didn't get in any trouble.
I know, it's a mean story, but we were mean 8th graders. Guess what, it worked, Sarah moved to Bismarck at the end of the school year. Hah!
Back in 8th grade, my best friend was Brandy but she went between me and this other girl Sarah Young as her best friend. This, of course, made me hate Sarah Young because I had to fight for Brandy's attention with her. Plus, Sarah was a bitch. She hardly had any friends, but she told everyone that she was going to move to Bismarck (a po-dunk town next to ours) so she could be popular there. She also took ice skating lessons and said she was going to be in the Olympics someday, hah.
So one day, while I was in science class, Brandy and some other people had a great idea. They shared the idea with me in algebra class. They had made a petition wanting Sarah Young to move to Bismarck. We passed it around algebra class and had everyone except Sarah and her friend Mandy sign it. I put "from your good friends - Brandy, Melissa, Brad, and Emily." Probably not the smartest move, you'll see why in a minute.
After getting more signatures, we decided to give the petition to Sarah after lunch. She started crying and told the teacher, so I guess Sarah took it to the principal. During gym class, the foursome (Brandy, me, Brad, and Emily) had to go to the principals office. I felt sorry for Emily because the only reason she got in on this was because she sat by the four of us. Then, everyone else who signed the petition got called into this classroom (we all couldn't fit into the principal's office) and were assigned to after-school detention for 2 days. Funny thing, this was all the fairly smart kids because we passed it around in algebra, which was the highest math class. Some of the other signatures were - John Deere Green, John Doe, and this guy in our class who wasn't smart and said he didn't even know who Sarah Young was.
For our after-school punishment, we had to watch videos on respect and how to treat people. It was actually pretty much a waste of time. Sarah Young's mom sent the petition with a letter to everyone's parents. My mom and dad were sorta mad at me and grounded me for a week. Brandy's mom thought it was funny (she didn't like Sarah) and she didn't get in any trouble.
I know, it's a mean story, but we were mean 8th graders. Guess what, it worked, Sarah moved to Bismarck at the end of the school year. Hah!
Funny story without alcohol
My grandma and I are fairly close because I lived with her after I finished grad school and was looking for a job. She's my dad's mom and my dad is an only child, so my brothers and I are her only grandkids. My grandpa died 6 years ago, but last fall my grandma met a man named Walter (who is nothing like my grandpa was) and they got married a year ago.
Grandma and Walter came down last fall on their way somewhere else and stopped for dinner and to go see a movie. Well, first I was embarassed at dinner because you know how old people are sometimes mean to servers and think $2 is a good tip for a $25 bill? Well, that's how Walter is. So we made it through dinner and decided to go to the movies. Grandma asked what I wanted to see and I choose March of the Penguins because it was either that or a rated R movie. When we got there, Grandma mentioned that she heard the 40 Year Old Virgin was good and it was showing at the theatre. Of course, Walter can't hear very well so he's never really in the conversation, he just pops in every so often with something really random. So we ended up buying tickets for the penguin movie and while we were going to get our seats, Walter goes "I thought we were seeing the 40 year old virgin movie." I just wanted to cooperate so I said if they wanted to see it that would be fine.
Well, we found seats in that movie and watched it for about 5 minutes when they both started complaining about how filthy the movie was. I was ready to get out of there because it was embarassing watching that with my grandma. We went over to the penguin movie and watched it and it was really a cute movie. I thought I was done with my obligation to hang out with them and they would take me home. NOPE. Walter goes "I wonder if that other movie got any better." (meaning the 40 year old virgin). So we go back in and sit in our same seats and it's the same scenario as before. The main character is trying to put a condom on and goes through like 20 of them. Not something you'd wanna see with your grandma. We ended up leaving that movie for the 2nd time and Walter went to use the restroom. Grandma told me that sometimes if they don't like a movie they just keep going to a different theatre until they find something they like, sometimes 4-5 movies. I didn't know you could do that!!!!
Walter comes out of the restroom and I see him opening the door to every theatre saying "I wonder if this movie is any good." Finally we left and I thought I would arrive safely home. NOPE. The light to turn left on Hwy 54 wouldn't turn red because Walter didn't pull far enough up to the line, so after about a minute, he just ran the red light and pulled out! Luckily there were no cars but whew! I arrived home safely and promptly called my dad to share the events of the evening with him.
That's the funniest non-alcohol related story that's happened to me in the past year or so. Only one more day between me and the weekend!
Grandma and Walter came down last fall on their way somewhere else and stopped for dinner and to go see a movie. Well, first I was embarassed at dinner because you know how old people are sometimes mean to servers and think $2 is a good tip for a $25 bill? Well, that's how Walter is. So we made it through dinner and decided to go to the movies. Grandma asked what I wanted to see and I choose March of the Penguins because it was either that or a rated R movie. When we got there, Grandma mentioned that she heard the 40 Year Old Virgin was good and it was showing at the theatre. Of course, Walter can't hear very well so he's never really in the conversation, he just pops in every so often with something really random. So we ended up buying tickets for the penguin movie and while we were going to get our seats, Walter goes "I thought we were seeing the 40 year old virgin movie." I just wanted to cooperate so I said if they wanted to see it that would be fine.
Well, we found seats in that movie and watched it for about 5 minutes when they both started complaining about how filthy the movie was. I was ready to get out of there because it was embarassing watching that with my grandma. We went over to the penguin movie and watched it and it was really a cute movie. I thought I was done with my obligation to hang out with them and they would take me home. NOPE. Walter goes "I wonder if that other movie got any better." (meaning the 40 year old virgin). So we go back in and sit in our same seats and it's the same scenario as before. The main character is trying to put a condom on and goes through like 20 of them. Not something you'd wanna see with your grandma. We ended up leaving that movie for the 2nd time and Walter went to use the restroom. Grandma told me that sometimes if they don't like a movie they just keep going to a different theatre until they find something they like, sometimes 4-5 movies. I didn't know you could do that!!!!
Walter comes out of the restroom and I see him opening the door to every theatre saying "I wonder if this movie is any good." Finally we left and I thought I would arrive safely home. NOPE. The light to turn left on Hwy 54 wouldn't turn red because Walter didn't pull far enough up to the line, so after about a minute, he just ran the red light and pulled out! Luckily there were no cars but whew! I arrived home safely and promptly called my dad to share the events of the evening with him.
That's the funniest non-alcohol related story that's happened to me in the past year or so. Only one more day between me and the weekend!
Turtle wheel
Here is the story:
Heidi, Amanda, and I went to Florida in the summer of 2003. We stopped first in Orlando for 3 nights and then on to Daytona Beach for 3 more nights. One of the first nights we were watching some tv while getting ready and debating on what to do. Ripley's Believe It or Not was on at the time. On the show there was this turtle who didn't have 1 of his legs, so instead he had a tiny little wheel. It was like the size of a skateboard wheel. We named it the "turtle wheel." That became our obsession, we were constantly saying turtle wheel. When we went to Daytona, the hotel next to us was the Turtle Inn, so we renamed it the Turtle Wheel Inn (or Turtle Wheelin, get it? ha ha). Heidi and I were sitting on our balcony being stupid and listening to some tunes one of the last nights we were there. Pour Some Sugar on Me came on and there's that long guitar solo on the middle and the next part is "You got the peaches I got the cream." At the same time, Heidi and I both belted out "You got the turtle, I got the wheel" with no planning whatsoever. Great minds think alike. We laughed and laughed about that, so now everytime I hear that song it reminds me of that night.
I hope now when you hear that song you'll think of the turtle wheel. Remember, you got the turtle, I got the wheel!
Heidi, Amanda, and I went to Florida in the summer of 2003. We stopped first in Orlando for 3 nights and then on to Daytona Beach for 3 more nights. One of the first nights we were watching some tv while getting ready and debating on what to do. Ripley's Believe It or Not was on at the time. On the show there was this turtle who didn't have 1 of his legs, so instead he had a tiny little wheel. It was like the size of a skateboard wheel. We named it the "turtle wheel." That became our obsession, we were constantly saying turtle wheel. When we went to Daytona, the hotel next to us was the Turtle Inn, so we renamed it the Turtle Wheel Inn (or Turtle Wheelin, get it? ha ha). Heidi and I were sitting on our balcony being stupid and listening to some tunes one of the last nights we were there. Pour Some Sugar on Me came on and there's that long guitar solo on the middle and the next part is "You got the peaches I got the cream." At the same time, Heidi and I both belted out "You got the turtle, I got the wheel" with no planning whatsoever. Great minds think alike. We laughed and laughed about that, so now everytime I hear that song it reminds me of that night.
I hope now when you hear that song you'll think of the turtle wheel. Remember, you got the turtle, I got the wheel!
A few things I've learned
Here are some life lessons I learned awhile back:
1. Don't send drunken text messages to a friend's ex as a joke, even if it is her idea. Not even if you think the idea of a redhead named Gina, with small tits and a big ass sounds like a funny joke. Bad karma will come around and bite you in the ass.
2. Don't drink a whole bottle of wine and then go out to the bars and drink beer. You might not remember coming home and you might wake up feeling like shit.
3. Don't tell random guys at a bar where you work. If they want to track you down, they will call you at work. Some men who are old enough to be my dad have done this, not a good idea!
I know there's more, I'll update with those later so check back!
1. Don't send drunken text messages to a friend's ex as a joke, even if it is her idea. Not even if you think the idea of a redhead named Gina, with small tits and a big ass sounds like a funny joke. Bad karma will come around and bite you in the ass.
2. Don't drink a whole bottle of wine and then go out to the bars and drink beer. You might not remember coming home and you might wake up feeling like shit.
3. Don't tell random guys at a bar where you work. If they want to track you down, they will call you at work. Some men who are old enough to be my dad have done this, not a good idea!
I know there's more, I'll update with those later so check back!
3 pet peeves
Ok, I have 3 pet peeves that bug the crap outta me. These may be unusual ones, but of course I have other normal pet peeves (like smoking, lying, etc).
1. When people don't put their grocery carts back into the stalls in the parking lot. Instead they leave the cart in the lot so it can leave a dent in someone's car. I never, ever do this and if I'm with someone who does, I put it back in the stall. I even pick up carts on my way in if possible. I don't want one of those to hit my car and I'm sure no one else does either. I've seen people walk further to put the cart in the lot somewhere than it was to walk it back to the stall. Walk your lazy ass to the stall!!
2. When people put pictures of themselves online or on their webpage that look nothing like them. Don't put a 5 year old pic when you weighed 50 lbs less on your page, unless you still look like that. Some people have a clever clever way of actually making themselves look better with their camera. I don't know if it's the lighting or what, but it's a big time trick!!! I know quite a few people who have or still do this.
3. I had to add a third one on here that I just thought of. I hate when people say "I have no ideal" instead of "I have no idea." Ideal and idea have totally different meanings! Get it right, people!
1. When people don't put their grocery carts back into the stalls in the parking lot. Instead they leave the cart in the lot so it can leave a dent in someone's car. I never, ever do this and if I'm with someone who does, I put it back in the stall. I even pick up carts on my way in if possible. I don't want one of those to hit my car and I'm sure no one else does either. I've seen people walk further to put the cart in the lot somewhere than it was to walk it back to the stall. Walk your lazy ass to the stall!!
2. When people put pictures of themselves online or on their webpage that look nothing like them. Don't put a 5 year old pic when you weighed 50 lbs less on your page, unless you still look like that. Some people have a clever clever way of actually making themselves look better with their camera. I don't know if it's the lighting or what, but it's a big time trick!!! I know quite a few people who have or still do this.
3. I had to add a third one on here that I just thought of. I hate when people say "I have no ideal" instead of "I have no idea." Ideal and idea have totally different meanings! Get it right, people!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
First posting
This is the first one! I'm going to transfer all my other blogs here and keep them in one location. Check back often for more stories about my life!
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